Fat Friday: Standing My Ground

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Nothing is wrong with your big body.

The way people with big bodies are abused, bullied, and devalued is wrong.

So, I told myself that I was doing all right, but I was actually starting to spiral. It all came crashing down after I ended up making a casserole that was a culinary disaster and then reading a post on a medical site by a dietitian looking for a punching bag so she turned to fat people, but of course. The sharticle in question used terms like "glorifying obesity." 

After leaving this unoriginal twatwaffle a scathing reply pointing out that there is no "glorifying obesity", there are merely people daring to exist in public while fat and it offends her delicate sensibilities, I deflated like a balloon that had been poked with a pin. I crawled under the covers and went to bed without dinner, falling asleep while watching Clone Wars and wishing I was dead.

People do not take care of things that they hate, and that includes our bodies.

Assholes like this dietitian who rail against fat people like we were the fucking second coming of the black death end up pushing fat people away from seeking help for whatever may be ailing them rather than engaging in preventative or maintenance care. Fat people tend to only go to the doctor when things become critical because of the way we are treated by the medical establishment. This goes a long way towards explaining why doctors only see unhealthy fat people. Who the hell wants to go to a place where they know they are going to be bullied?

This is why size shaming and diet culture don't work. Health at Every Size works.

I'm fat, not stupid. I know when I'm being othered and scapegoated. It's a bullshit approach, and if you use it, I'm going to tell you to go fuck yourself. 

Believe it or not, I used to be a really nice, sweet person. Being bullied and made to feel ashamed of myself at every turn beat that right the fuck out of me.

Right now, t 'is the season for "so, how's your New Years Resolutions (translate: diet culture adherence and burst of orthorexia) going?" posts.

I ditched diet culture ten years ago after 33 years of yo-yo dieting and trying to hate myself thin. I don't do new year's resolutions. If I'm going to exercise, I'm going to exercise. It's hard to do much at this point with my disabilities, but I do try to get in a walk every day. 

I absolutely do not diet. Dieting destroys a person's metabolism. I was a serial dieter and every time I dieted, the weight I lost came back with friends. 

Yes, I'm fat, and if people are going to be jerks about it, they are not people I want around me anyway.

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.”

― J.K. Rowling

Fat and Ornery

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"Fat isn't the problem. Dieting is the problem."
--Dr. Linda Bacon

Wordy Thursday: New Mindest, New Results

Genre:

Business

Rating:

Four out of Four Stars for Online Book Club

Disclosure:

I received an advance copy of this book for review purposes.

This post contains affiliate links. If readers purchase a copy of the book through the above link, I will receive a small commission from Amazon.

Please read my exclusive Online Book Club review of this book here.

This is a brief, encouraging book geared towards small business owners who have employees. It can also be utilized by solo entrepreneurs and by managers in a larger business or corporate setting. The author writes in a friendly, personable tone. He addresses issues such as communicating with one's staff in an encouraging and forthright manner as well as personal perseverance. 

When employees feel as though they are a valued part of a business, they will be engaged and involved in its growth. I wish that some of my past employers had a book like this at their disposal. They might have enjoyed increased staff retention and performance if they had treated their employees as assets rather than disposable components.

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Ornery Literary Services

Watkins Wednesday: Up-Front Fees

Some home business opportunities are not upfront about the fees involved. They take your information and, next thing you know, you are being given the hard sell to try and get you to join someone's downline. They may not be upfront about quotas. There may be additional fees for access to promotional materials. 

With Watkins, the fee for joining is clearly visible when you visit a consultant's website.

Until January 31, that fee is just $19.99.

There is an easy-to-use menu at the bottom of the page so you can learn all the basics quickly and easily.

Best of all, no-one is going to call or email you to browbeat you into signing up.

You can sign up just to take advantage of reduced costs on products you use in your own home, or, if you're a real go-getter, the sky's the limit.

With Watkins, you are in the know and in charge from the start.

There are no outrageous costs. Never buy more products than you want or need.

The only fee is a yearly $29.95 (reduced to $19.95 through January) for your consultant website and back-office materials.

The risk is minimal and the possibilities are great.

There is no need to "risk it all" to try Watkins. Risk just a little, and see if it's right for you.

Watkins is available to residents of Canada and the United States.

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Ornery Owl of Approval

Family Tombstone

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a memorial

a place to sit and reflect

on past memories

my father's name is there now

my mother's will be one day

~cie~

This time, I was a disobedient jerk-face on purpose. I was inspired to write this entire Tanka rather than a Tan Renga. You are still welcome to throw overripe produce at me. 

Dad

31 May 1936 - 28 November 2010

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Candlelight

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shall I make a toast

by candlelight some evening

to the fairy friends

~cie~

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Perhaps Grover and Clem's chums Nervous Ned and Darlin' Dolly could serenade the fairies.

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Snowdrops

you always told me

whenever I saw snowdrops

it means you are near

are you here with me again

or is this wishful thinking?

~cie~

Home Decor DIY: Beautiful Upcycled Tin Cans Shabby Chic

Home Decor DIY: Beautiful Upcycled Tin Cans Shabby Chic

I love this! I've used old cans as pencil holders or such before, but I never decorated them.

Reminder: $10 off Yearly Watkins Consultant Fee until January 31

Disclosure: 

I am an independent consultant for Watkins.

This offer is only available to residents of Canada and the United States.

Folks, I may be THE Ornery Old Lady and proud of it, but I would never want to be known as The Pushy Old Lady. This is why I was never successful with MLM. I sucked at hawking Herbalife, and I was my own best customer with Avon. Most home-based marketing programs have monthly quotas and you end up with people pretending they're not home when they see you coming up the walk because they don't want to hear you begging them to please, for the love of all that's holy, buy something from you so you can make your quota.

Watkins isn't like that. In fact, I only joined Watkins to order their products for myself. From the fine quality extracts and organic spices to the Been Green Since Before Green was Cool cleaning products, I get a discount on everything I order. It only costs me $29.95 per year for access to the Timeless Integrity consultant website with all the promotional materials plus my own two websites that I don't have to do a thing to maintain. Trust me, I suck at building web pages. They usually end up looking like a kid's art project with a bunch of stickers and cardboard cutouts slapped haphazardly onto a piece of construction paper.

You can check out my websites here:

This website is strictly for selling products. The site is live, and if you see something you like but aren't interested in becoming a consultant yourself, you can order from me here.

This is the website that I usually send folks to. There is a link to the Watkins order page in the right-hand corner. The rest of the site explains about the Watkins home business. If you decide you only want to become a consultant to purchase your own products at a discount, that's perfectly okay too. That's why I joined, but I discovered that this business is so simple and so low-risk that I want everyone to know about it.

Plus, until the end of January, becoming a Watkins consultant is only $19.95. 

To become a consultant for most home-based business programs of this caliber, you end up spending hundreds of dollars. With Watkins, the amount of time and money you put into it is up to you. At worst, you'll be out twenty bucks. At best, if you're really motivated and/or are the kind of person who has charm to spare, you could end up quitting your day job for real and making your living selling products you can feel great about and helping other folks get in the game too.

If you're a resident of the U.S. or Canada, I urge you to check this out. The monetary risk is negligible, and you'll end up benefiting even if you only purchase products for your household.

Watkins has the Ornery Seal of Approval.

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Ornery Owl

Sharing with these folks:

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation: Troiku Hineri: At Dawn

Image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay

These round hay bales are a common sight where I live

I

at dawn

I wash my feet with dew

the longest day

at dawn

the sun comes through the window

too bright to look at

I wash my feet with dew

perhaps I am still dreaming

I walk to the yard

the longest day

the too-warm sun of summer

I retreat indoors

II
at dawn
the sun comes through the window
too bright to look at

at dawn
much of the world awakens
though some hide away

the sun comes through the window
too bright to remain asleep
burning fiery orb

too bright to look at
I attempt to ignore it
I begin my day

III
I wash my feet with dew
perhaps I am still dreaming
I walk to the yard

I wash my feet with dew
before the sun burns it off
on grass blades still damp

perhaps I am still dreaming
I would be afraid to walk
unshod on this ground

I walk to the yard
trying to plan the future
what will I grow here?

IV
the longest day
the too-warm sun of summer
I retreat indoors

the longest day
I have many things to do
always stay busy

the too-warm sun of summer
makes me hide inside the house
sun scorching the earth

I retreat indoors
maybe when the evening falls
venture out again

~cie~

Visit the Artist

Visit the Artist

Ghost town Grover and Cactus Clem have a poem they want to share too.

A cactus man like Cactus Clem

Thinks the heat just can't be beat

He don't mind when it gets toasty

He even walks around in bare feet

A ghost like Ghost Town Grover

Tends to prefer the shade

He likes to sit underneath the old tree

Just sippin' lemonade

Visit Good Stuff from Grover for more from Grover, Cactus Clem, and the Ornery Old Lady

Visit the Ornery Poetry Blog

notes

The original Haiku for the Troiku Army was written by © Yozakura (1640-1716).

at dawn

I wash my feet with dew

the longest day

Wordy Thursday: On Writing by Stephen King

Genre:
Nonfiction, Autobiography, Instructional, Writing

Rating:
Five out of Five Stars

The following is a duplicate of my review on Goodreads for this book.

If readers purchase the book through the above preview link, I will earn a small commission from Amazon.

I have been a fan of Stephen King for many years. I read this book when it first came out and enjoyed reading it again. Of course, I am very glad that he survived his terrible accident and is now doing better.

I would not thrive writing the way Mr. King recommends: by shutting myself in a room for two hours with everything tuned out. I would start to feel as if I was in a dungeon fairly quickly. I am based in my living room where I can look out the window. I don't know if he would like my writing. I enjoy some of the elements that he recommends eliminating. However, I did learn two things from him a long time ago: mind the adverbs, and watch out for overly long and descriptive sentences.

I am glad to have this book in my library again.

Questions from the Insecure Writers' Support Group Book Club:

1. Stephen King says, “You can read anywhere, almost, but when it comes to writing, library carrels, park benches, and rented flats should be courts of last resort."
I reckon you've gotta write where you've gotta write. However, I doubt I'd get much writing done on a park bench. Probably nothing more than a bit of note-taking would transpire there.

QUESTIONS: Where do you like to write? Have you written in the places King says should be last resorts and found them to work better for you?
I usually write in the living room with my butt parked on the dilapidated couch that doubles as my bed. I don't write much of anywhere else at this juncture.

2. QUESTION: King states that story comes first, never theme. I disagree. Do you think a theme only develops after the story has come together or can a good story be developed from a theme?

I usually don't think much about the theme beyond it planting a seed in my disheveled brain. I probably have a theme in mind when I start.

3. QUESTIONS: What "tools" do you find most indispensable when you write? Are there any you would add to King's toolbox (which includes grammar, vocabulary, elements of style and form, character development, descriptions, dialogue, tools for revision help)?
Coffee.

4. QUESTIONS: King believes that stories are "found things, like fossils in the ground." Let’s discuss King's extended metaphor of "writing as excavation." Do you agree with this theory? How would you describe writing if different from his point-of-view?
Sometimes my story ideas come sailing through the air and smack me on the head.

5. QUESTIONS: Was this your first time reading a book by Stephen King or were you a fan before? Either way, what did you think of his book On Writing?

I've been a big fan since I was about fourteen years old. Stephen King is one of those people that I'd love to meet except for the fact that he'd probably think I was the biggest loser to ever be plopped down on this lousy planet, so I imagine I'd slink off into the shadows if the opportunity to meet him ever arose.

I think that On Writing has many excellent suggestions. Not all of them work for me.

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Aunt Cie's Attic

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Tackle It Tuesday on Wednesday With the Ornery Old Lady: Old School Cool Whip Pineapple Pie

Image by Bruno Marques Bru from Pixabay

Back in 1995, when I was ten years old...

Okay, it was 1975. But the rest of the story is true.

When I was ten years old, I flew on an airplane for the very first time, from Denver to New York. Flying was fun in 1975. Everyone was very nice. My six-year-old brother and I thought the little bags of peanuts were fun, and even the awful airline food was wonderful to us. I got to listen to music on the headset. I thought it was just the most amazing time.

When we got to New York, we visited the relatives who had come to see us over the years. At one point, we went up to Amsterdam, which is where my father's maternal relatives came from. My great-uncle was an undertaker. When people hear the word "undertaker," they usually think of someone like this:

The late character actor Angus Scrimm played The Tall Man in the Phantasm movies

My great-uncle did not fit the image of the stereotypical undertaker. He was a very benevolent man who smiled a lot. He became a mortician because it was a necessary service.

My father's maternal family owned the building containing the mortuary and the chapel. My great-grandmother, who hardly spoke any English, and two of my great-aunts lived on the upper floors of the building. Another great-aunt lived in a house next door. These folks are long gone now, but at that moment they were very much alive, and the world seemed very much alive. 

My great-grandmother was an excellent cook, and everything she made was wonderful, especially the latkes. My great-aunt Isabelle wasn't as skilled in the kitchen, but she did a passable job. And she made the wondrous pineapple pie. I don't remember what else she made when we had our afternoon lunch in her apartment, but I certainly remember the pineapple pie. I could well have eaten the whole thing! 

Those days spent with my Lithuanian relatives are long gone. Latkes may be a ubiquitous if delicious favorite among Eastern European people, but I'm pretty sure pineapple pie is not a traditional Lithuanian dish. Nonetheless, it was a fast favorite among the group of Lithuanian-Americans gathered on that afternoon forty-five years ago, and my Great-Aunt Isabelle was very smart to have made it because it couldn't be easier.

I found the recipe for Pineapple Dream Dessert at Amanda's Cookin'. This is the Amazing Pineapple Pie recipe, only in a square pan. I didn't have any graham crackers or graham cracker crumbs, but I did have a couple of pre-made graham cracker pie crusts, so the Pineapple Dream Dessert went back to being a pie.

Here is what you need.

If you are going to follow Amanda's directions and make a square dessert in a 9 x 9 pan, you will need 2 1/2 cups of graham cracker crumbs and 1/2 cup of butter to make the crust. If you are going to use a pie shell, you can omit those.

For the filling, you will need to soften 1/2 cup of butter and 4 ounces of cream cheese. 

Combine the softened cream cheese and butter until smooth. I finally broke out my Hamilton Beach stand mixer and used it for the mixing tasks. Once the cream cheese and butter are blended, incorporate 2 cups of powdered sugar one cup at a time. Beat until smooth. Blend in one tablespoon of drained, crushed pineapple from a 20-ounce can.

Spread the cream cheese mixture onto the crust.

Mix together 8 ounces of Cool Whip with the rest of the crushed pineapple.

Put the Cool Whip and pineapple mixture on top of the cream cheese mixture.

Refrigerate for 4 hours before serving.

Raise a glass or cup of whatever you like to drink with pie and say a toast to the memory of a relative, or you can say a toast to my Great-Aunt Isabelle if you can't think of a relative that you'd like to toast.

Bone Appetit!

Cie the Ornery Old Lady

Visit the Artist

Ghost Town Grover Sez:

"I know y'all said that pie was easy to make, Ornery, but it shore does taste fancy!"

Visit the Artist

Cactus Clem Sez:

"Ornery, y'all really need to git some more of that pineapple juice. That right there is the best part of the pineapple!"

The General Store

Boycott Aaron Carter: Art Thief and Asshole

So, dumpster fire and talentless hack Aaron Carter is ripping off the work of an actual artist to promote his shitty merchandise.

Here is the location of the tweet in case you’d like to respond to Aaron’s entitled temper tantrum. https://t.co/MG78rgCwZr

Here is the article on Forbes where I first learned of this incident. It includes a picture of Jonas’ art.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nadjasayej/2020/01/18/berlin-artist-jonas-jdicke-speaks-up-about-aaron-carter-art-fiasco/#6fe442482b6f

I added the following sentiment to my retweet of Aaron’s cosmically shitty response to Jonas Jodicke’s classy request that Aaron stop using his art without his permission.

It's probably too much to ask for @aaroncarter to not behave like a complete trash fire for once in his arrogant, entitled life. Aaron is ripping off @JoJoesArt because he doesn't have an original bone in his entire body. Don't buy his overpriced merch, he doesn't deserve a cent.

I wouldn’t wipe my ass with Aaron’s overpriced clothes. Please share this so everyone knows what a colossal douchebag Aaron the Art Thief is.

Sunday Dinner at the Grover Hotel: Ornery's Easy Cooking Tips: Caramelized Onions

Image by Thanks for your Like • donations welcome from Pixabay

Some of you will probably roll your eyes at this post and say: "well, THAT is not exactly brand new information, Ornery Old Lady."

Well, it is to me. I just learned how to caramelize onions recently. So, for those of you who have not been let in on the secret, it goes like this.

Cut up your onion. Toss it with a little oil and seasoning. I like Kinder's Seasoning blends, but plain salt and pepper will work just fine.

Cook your onion in a skillet on medium-high heat until it starts to soften and brown. I like to use a cast-iron skillet.

For each small to medium-sized onion or half of a large onion, add 1/4 cup of water and 2 tablespoons of sugar. Cook and stir until the onion becomes caramelized and jammy.

Caramelized onions are super versatile and go well with meats or other vegetables. Put them on burgers, alongside steak, chicken, or pork, or put them in a grilled cheese sandwich for an easy and different flavor. I don't recommend using American cheese for this. I like grilled cheese sandwiches made with American cheese, but the flavor just isn't right for combining with the caramelized onion.

Enjoy!

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation: Contentious Eggplant

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troublesome eggplant

hard to sketch and hard to grow

pumpkins are not so

~cie~

notes

So, the challenge was to rewrite a Haiku by Shiki using the Shasei style and then turn it into a Tanka. Please click the banner to learn more. If I try to explain, it will only end up becoming convoluted.

I am not sure I succeeded at Shasaei-ing, but I did learn that Shiki was a rebel, and this I succeed at. After re-imagining his Haiku about eggplant and pumpkins, I thought that adding the Ageku stanza would overshadow the perfect brevity (and sharp snarkitude) of the resulting Senryu, so I am leaving it Ageku-less.

Here is the Eggplant Haiku by Shiki.

Sketching from life —

eggplants are harder to do

than pumpkins

© Masaoka Shiki (Tr. Burton Watson)

Sly Speaks + Fat Friday + Friday Flashback: Diet Culture Rhetoric Is Not Poetry

This poignant gem was originally published on 17 January 2010 on my now-retired poetry blog.

life It would be far easier to diet if I didn't like food.

This, apparently, was the entire-ass poem.

A year later, I would finally take the long-needed step of ditching diet culture for good.

That is a terrible statement, let alone being a terrible poem. 

It isn't even a poem, it's a blurb. A very stupid and brainwashed blurb. It's a tweet that shouldn't have been tweeted. It is a lot of things, none of them good. A poem it is not. 

The Chili Bean Tanka is a better poem, and it is not a good poem. In fact, it is close to Vogon poetry in its poetic injustice.

It goes a little bit something like this.

I ate the chili

between the beans and the spice

digestive horror

beneath the cover of night

noxious eruptions take place

As I mentioned previously, I struggled over the holidays. My abusive partner ED (Eating Disorder) reared his ugly head and I relapsed into my old restrictive eating and self-loathing patterns. Which, by the way, never made me thin, they just fucked my metabolism over and made me hate myself even more. 

However, reading this micro-poem that should not be, I could see where I'd been myopic in my criticism of a poet whose book I reviewed recently. I gave the book overall high praise, but I stated that her "poem" which read as follows, and I quote:

love ends but calories are forever

was not so much a poem as unfortunate diet culture rhetoric, and I wouldn't want to read it as a tweet, let alone in a book of poetry.

Given the unseemly evidence above, that critique was hypocritical of me.

However, there is a lesson to be learned.

Next time you think publishing a pithy pearl of poignant perspicacity such as this...

Go to the kitchen and grab yourself a snack. Or at least have something to drink. Your blood sugar may be low because if you think that's worth publishing, you obviously haven't been thinking clearly. Step out for a breath of air and clear your head of the Diet Culture nonsense. You've obviously bitten off more of it than you can chew.

That being said, Words Written in the Dark is, overall, a thoughtful and thought-provoking volume of modern poetry, and I recommend it highly.

Fat and Ornery

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Sly and Snarky

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Tanka Splendor: Vernal Equinox

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vernal equinox

fifty-fifth year of my life

will I find some peace

or will the dark curtain fall

as it tends to do in spring?

~cie~

notes

I created the Tanka Splendor badge with a free to use stock image on Pixlr. Please feel free to use it on your own blog. No credit is necessary.

I was not correctly diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder until I was nearly 40 years old. I was diagnosed with "depression and anxiety." I have both of those, but I have bipolar disorder rather than unipolar depression as my son has. My restlessness was sometimes blamed on ADD, which I have as well, but the restlessness becomes magnified in a hypomanic state.

My baseline mood is moderately depressed. Some of my depression is situational. Living in poverty is very stressful. I try to ameliorate the way I feel about it by the fact that I keep trying, but sometimes I feel like all my trying adds up to one big ole heapin' helpin' of horse manure and I become despondent. 

I live with suicide ideation. I think about offing myself a lot. Ideation is not the same as planning. My planning levels tend to be low regardless of how strong the ideation levels are. Generally speaking, I'm probably too much of an asshole to commit suicide because then I wouldn't be able to piss people off by existing in a corporeal fashion in their presence. But sometimes not having to struggle sure sounds like a winner.

I have experienced spring depression almost every year of my life since I hit puberty. My puberty was somewhat precocious and started coming on when I was nine years old. Thinking back on things, the first time I can remember seeing a strong manifestation that could have been identified as bipolar 2 was on my tenth birthday. 

Bipolar 2 can be sneaky since it presents with hypomania rather than full mania. Hypomania is like "mania lite." However, it can be just as destructive. I've learned to recognize the magical thinking that comes with the condition and to try not to act on my impulses during periods of hypomania. By magical thinking, I don't mean believing in fairies or even believing something potentially fatal like thinking I could get up on a roof and float down. Hypomania does not create that sort of delusion. (The delusion that jumping off a roof is a good idea. I like to hope that believing in fairies is not a delusion.) It does create the sort of delusion that I should buy into an MLM program for a thousand dollars and will make a butt-ton of money and be able to live happily ever after. I don't have the focus to be successful at such a thing, even if it is one of the few programs that is legit.

By the way, Watkins is not that sort of program. It is legit, and the "buy-in" for a year is only $30. I'm only saying this because the -666 of you who follow my blogs might be saying "oh, Cie, have you done this again with this Watkins thing?" No, I actually only signed up for Watkins to get discounts on my own merchandise but after reviewing the material felt good about recommending it to others.

I am trying to learn to forgive myself for sometimes really awful and personally destructive past decisions and to stop belittling myself for having a brain that works differently than the brains of the sort of people who tend to be held up as examples. Nobody will ever say: "why can't you be more like that ornery old hag cie? I mean, she's simply all over the place, and she's easily distracted except when she's laser-focused on one of her ruinous plans? Now there's someone you can look up to!"

I will be fifty-five in a month and a day from this writing unless I go tits up in the meantime. I have no hope that "this will be my year" as I always told myself on birthdays in the past and was inevitably disappointed. This will be a year. There will be no significant shifts. I will remain me and the world will wag on.

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: First Snow

Image by JL G from Pixabay

the first snow crept in

one windy October night

teeth biting through bone

~cie~

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Ornery Senryu: First Sunray

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first rays of sunshine

after working the night shift

felt like a vampire

~The Ornery Old Night Owl~

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Ornery Notes:

I haven't had to work the night shift in close to three years now. But I'm still a night owl!

The night shift was always fine for me until about three or four in the morning. The last three or four hours were horrible.

Visit the Artist

Ghost Town Grover Sez:

"I gotta tell y'all, on Halloween night in Telluride in 1880, I was whoopin' it up with some of the other miners, and when I went out behind the saloon to drain the ole rattlesnake, this pale feller with slick black hair wearin' a fancy cape come floatin' up beside me. I asked him if he wanted to come into the saloon and join me and the fellers fer a swig of Amos Fine's Famous Shine. 

That high-fallutin' feller said in a hoity-toity way that he didn't never drink Shine. Now, maybe he was jest eccentric or somethin', but when Father O'Malley come outta the saloon wearin' his big ole silver cross on a chain, that feller hissed like an angry tomcat, hollered "BLUH!", pulled his cape over his face, and turned tail and run. 

Maybe he'd bin slippin' outta the church after Sunday meetin's without tithin' proper, but there shore was somethin' weird about that fancy-pants stranger, and he shore didn't take a shine to the good Father and his shiny cross.

Visit the Artist

Cactus Clem Sez:

"Well, Grover, I bet y'all didn't know it, but Ornery actually is a vamper. I done heard her tellin' someone all about how she got hammered on cactus juice on Saint Patrick's Day in 1992 an' ended up sleepin' on someone's bathroom floor! She ain't tried to drink the juice from my veins yet, but I'm gonna have to sleep with one eye open on St. Patrick's Day!"

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Further Ornery Notes:

Cactus Clem doesn't have anything to worry about. I really can't drink more than a few sips of beer or wine these days. But if you're feeling daring, you can click the link above and try the drink that the cute little buffalo is serving up!