most find it unbelievable
that I am haunting a big house
filled with so much history
they always anticipated
that I would end up living on the street
I am still trying to create
order from the mess that is my life
it seems that each time I mend something
another thing breaks
I can trace this house's past
through the residents of the town
it was built in 1910
it is on the historical register
it started life as a hotel
it was once a house of ill repute
it has been a hospital and a church
a boarding house for teachers
and a bed and breakfast
the house was populated by idiots
at certain points in its existence
one selfish woman and her bratty children
destroyed beautiful artwork
created by the teachers who once lived here
there are similarities and differences
between the self-absorbed floozy
and the fix-and-flipper
she lived for her whims
he had tunnel vision
I find myself unsure
If I am making forward movement
I don’t have adequate money
To make more repairs
I find myself staring down the barrel
Of going back to work
I am still compromised
I could only work part-time
Disability doesn’t pay enough
And I’m tired of dealing with their guff
You can only amass $2000 in savings
You can only have one car
Never mind if you think it would be wise to have a backup vehicle
Or want to put aside some money
In case of emergencies
Or that $1380 per month
Only just pays the bills
And then they take back $140 of that
To pay the Medicare premiums
I would like to haunt my bruised old house on the prairie
Every day forever
I don’t want to return to my old job
Two hours away from home
Where I’ll have to get a hotel room
And be away from home three days a week
I just want to haunt my unbelievable home
I just want to be free at last
To be what I am
And not what everyone else
Thinks that I should be
But have failed to be
I want to be the real me
But I’m not entirely sure
What that is
