A few of the varieties of Stonewall's Jerquee
Folks, when I seen Ornery comin' towards me, she had a grin on her face that I knowed means trouble.
"Grover," Ornery said, "I want you to do a review for me!"
"Ornery, no!" I protested as my soul curdled like milk with vinegar. "I ain't one of them fancy-pants Rogue scholars! Now, I kin read and write well enough, but I can't do no review. If I write a review for that there scholarly website of your'n, folks will probably wanna string you up, 'cause all I'm gonna say is something like 'Folks, yer ole pal Grover really liked this here book and I bet you will too,' or 'that there mess seems like something Cactus Clem would like to read, 'cept I don't know if he kin read. So I can't recommend this book to nobody but Cactus Clem.'"
"Grover, I don't want you to review any books," Ornery said. "I want you to have a bite of this Stonewall's Jerquee and tell me what you think. It seems like something you'd like."
"Ornery, I ain't even gotta take a bite, but I'll be glad to," I said. "Stonewall is an old pal of mine, and I know these here snacks are the bee's knees an' the cat's pajamas and all!"
Folks, ole Stonewall is a good ole boy with a heart of gold. He don't like to see no critters get et, so he knowed he had to create a jerky good enough that folks wouldn't miss the meat. I kin tell you as a lifelong omnivore that once I tasted Stonewall's recipe, I liked it better than the meat kind. You just might too.
Ornery's gonna set you up with one of them fancy virtual shoppin' baskets down below, so's you kin pick your favorite. I'm tellin' you that you can't go wrong with Stonewall's snacks! All of us ghosts and livin' folks here at the Grover Hotel and General Store love 'em! Cactus Clem would probably like 'em too, but he's a crazy, mixed-up cactus man, so he don't eat, he just absorbs liquids.
Yer ole pal,
Ghostly Grover
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